When our children repeatedly break the rules without consequences, our inactivity only reinforces their misbehavior. Your son will continue to break this rule until you let him know, in no uncertain terms, that his behavior is unacceptable. The type of consequence you decide to use depends on the severity of the behavior. For example, if he gets caught smoking pot with a friend, he could lose the privilege of hanging out with that friend for a period of time.
Or maybe you have him do some research on the harmful effects of using marijuana and write a report for you. Since your son has broken your trust in him, he may have to regain that trust by passing random drug tests in your home.
You can buy these tests over the counter at your local pharmacy. These are just a few examples of consequences that can be used separately or in combinations with teach other.
Whichever ones you choose, remember to be consistent, follow through on what you say you will do, and make sure you son understands the connection between his behaviors and the consequences he earns. Also, make sure you give your son positive consequences when he does the follow the rules and meets your expectations.
From there, it ends up in the brain and other organs. THC connects with a receptor on nerve cells in the brain. The marijuana "high" results from THC's effects on the nerve cells that control sensory perception and pleasure. THC also connects with receptors on nerve cells in other parts of the brain that affect thinking, memory, coordination, and concentration. This can cause unwanted side effects, including:. These side effects are temporary, but they can make it dangerous to do things like drive while under the influence of marijuana.
Research has found that people who use marijuana over a long period of time can have more lasting side effects. For example:. Changes in the brain. Marijuana can affect the parts of the brain that play a role in our ability to remember, multitask, and pay attention. Fertility issues. Animal studies suggest that using a lot of marijuana might be linked to decreased sperm count in men and delayed ovulation in women.
Pregnant women who use marijuana might be more likely to have babies with developmental and behavioral problems. Respiratory problems. People who smoke marijuana a lot can develop problems with the respiratory system — like more mucus, a chronic cough, and bronchitis.
Immune system problems. When we went to sell it we found images and messages talking about them getting pot brownies from one of her friends dads, and we found pictures of her and her friends drinking vodka. We have spoken to our daughter and have restricted her access to the other girl for activities after school. So here a few of my questions. How do I deal with the parents of the other girl that gave my daughter and other kids these drugs and let them drink? One of our biggest concerns besides the obvious of her doing it in the first place is the effect of any kind of legal action will have on our daughter and her future.
We want to tell the other girls parents but not sure how to do this as we don't know them personally. Our daughter is a Junior in high school, is the captain of the track team and gets good grades. She wants to go to Navy Officers school when she finishes high school, we are concerned that any kind of action will drastically effect her future if we do not do it in the right way.
We are extremely private people and do not like sharing our dirty laundry but this is so overwhelming and we really do not know what to do here concerning the issue of other parents and letting them know.
Should we or not if so how do we do this. Good luck to you and your. What an awful thing to discover. As I'm sure you already know, it is illegal for adults to do this.
What you may not know is that there will most likely be no impact on your daughter. Most police departments have a program of "deferment' where they try everything they can to keep teens out of the system as long as they can; giving them the opportunity to course correct before becoming an adult.
While I'm sure the parents believe they are being helpful by giving a "safe" place to do these things, ultimately it sends the wrong message to our teens that this behavior is OK. I personally want my teens to be very uncomfortable participating in such activity because it is dangerous, especially for those without fully developed brains capable of understanding the full consequences of their behavior.
You can easily call the police to ask about what course you can take. They are absolutely your ally in this situation. Let us know what happens.
Hang in there. I hope this helps to answer your question. Be sure. Sanibel Yes, my husband and I have finally learned that we each have a perspective that is sound and we need to work together. Hubby is great at boundaries and I am good at "how is this going to make our son feel? I find that when I just flat out tell my son We are allowed to feel angry and upset when you do these things. If you were in our position you would feel the same way. We want the best for you.
That does not involve these behaviors, so let us help you work through this and move past it. We don't want to abandon you, we want to help you, but we are not willing to be abused and stolen from in the process. I learned a lot of the talking points from James in the Total Transformation Program.
I loved when he even said you could have your kids listen to the program with you. When we allow the bad behavior without consequences, we train our kids to behave poorly. I especially so did that. I was upfront with our son. Hey, son, I didn't always draw the right boundaries for you and now you think this behavior is ok.
It's not ok and if you sit for a moment you know it isn't. Part of growing up is doing the right thing when you don't want to or when there is an easier way around it. Choose this day who you want to be. I think one of the reason things are slightly better for us now is setting those boundaries and being willing to stand by them. Sanibel I'm so sorry you're here! I'm there! It's heartbreaking. My son has destroyed our home multiple times and I have reached times where I was afraid of him and what he would do to me, his sister, our home.
He's stolen, hangs out with people who've been to jail. I've had my car broken into and vandalized. It's been 'fun. What is too much for you? We put locks on our bedroom doors, I purchased a safe for my purse.
I stopped carrying cash. I still pray. Learn what you can about depression. It is overwhelming I've suffered from it myself. It's not an excuse for poor behavior though. My son was on medication for years and decided one day he wouldn't take it anymore. Pot is all he needs. Our boys spend time with the people they do because they are just like them. That's who they identify with and see as their peers. It's no magic, but we've worked hard on personal responsibility with our son.
Life plan, how to set goals and achieve them, that kind of stuff. For example: you can feel however you feel but at the end of the day, life still happens and you still need to work and provide for yourself; unless your happy being homeless or mooching off others. The hardest part is trying to stay positive. A depressed person won't respond to being put down even if it's true all the time.
We search for anything to be positive about. Sanibel You are not alone! People in our situations just tend mot to share socially because it's humiliating and we feel responsible and other people judge our parenting based on how our children behave and it's icky.
Find your boundaries and give yourself permission to stand your ground. You don't have to get angry, just stay firm!! Last spring my child had a friend overnight. We said, ok, we know you were down here and we know this is the first we've had any indication we needed to be concerned for you. Friends who use them are not welcome in our home, especially if they bring them INTO our home.
She says she gets it and we have not heard or seen the friend since. We thought that was the end of it. Well, yesterday I was putting away some things in her room and one thing lead to another. I found a holiday card box I had been looking for the bed and there was a pill container which at one time held pot, a one hit pipe that totally reeked of pot and a pack of cigarettes.
There was also another box with a message to - us - whoever that said this is private, please respect my privacy like I respect yours - stop here - do not open. I did not open that box - and to be honest, I can't imagine what is in side if the pot pipe was in the unmarked box.
What is the BEST way to confront her? I am sort of paralyzed. I don't want to send this spinning off the wrong direction. I want her to be honest with me - typically she is although sometimes leaves details out but comes to me with most things. I don't want to make it worse, she sees a counselor a few times a month but I can't see her without her there to ask advice.
I'm so blown away! Thanks for suggestions,. I understand how difficult this must be for you; take. We appreciate you writing in. Your story is a LOT like mine. My daughter is 18, beautiful and smart. She says she started using pot when she was like Now she wakes and bakes and is high all day.
Even at work and I guess at school. When she is not holed up in her room with her boyfriend she is out with her friends who all use pot and other drugs. I wasn't that concerned until I read this article. I like the word accountable instead of responsible and I will be making a list of things that she is accountable for and a list of consequences for not doing so.
Take care. I would add that a common addiction among teens and others are electronic screens, especially video games. Recommending treatment is a nice idea. However, once the child is a legal adult, 18 or older , treatment is voluntary.
Psychologists who have known my son his whole life believe he will commit suicide if I throw him out. When will this country learn that both mental health treatment and substance abuse treatment needs to mandatory,. Science knows their brains are NOT fully developed, particularly the pre-frontal. My 15 yr old has been using marijuana for over a year now. He has been caught by me 4 or 5 times.
I have tried counciling, got the police involved once, taken things away, tried an MA group, tried talking to him in a calm voice and a raised voice. Now he says he wants to go live with his mother who is 10 hours away who has had many drug issues in the past an possibly still using I don't know. He is depressed and sits in his room alot. Don't know what to do. I told him I cannot allow him to go live with his mother not knowing if she's clean. We have joint custody but have residential rights.
What is my legal right. I have been told in the past if I let him go down there by himself it's endangering the welfare of a child. So my daughter 19 goes down there when they visit once a year for about a week.
What to do? Honestly, it's not always a parenting fail. Individual personalities and choices of the teens has a huge impact. I've always been very involved in my kids lives; to the point that my son at one point told me when he planned to have his first kiss and then when he had it. He still wants to tell me everything, I just don't really want to know ;. He has an open communication opportunity, dinners out, everything and still he is making poor decisions.
I don't want parents out there who are doing it all "right" to feel responsible if they don't have the same outcome as you do. Focusing on where you. We appreciate. It sounds like initially this question should be posed to an attorney. I am not an attorney. If your son is depressed, that would be my primary concern. My son, when struggling with crippling depression went down hill fast.
Now that his depression is under better control, while we still have issues with pot, he's not as difficult to be around. I've grown more hopeful of his future. You may also want to find good adolescent psychiatrist good would mean someone who does an actual thorough intake appointment of 60 mins or so discussion medical and emotional background to best assess where your son is.
This should include your son alone and you as his father. I would also try to find something he can be excited about doing that motivates him. Building something? Anything to get them outside of their own minds. You might want to find a good support group too. Al-anon or if you prefer something faith based Celebrate Recovery should have an al-anon portion of it too and they are all over. I cannot help with the custody issues. Since your child is under 18, you have the legal right to force him to go to treatment.
I also heard a chaplain speak last week who heads a treatment program. He suggests we try to connect with what is good in the person. Another adult who took 5 years to get through Step 1 in a 12 step program said he had to rephrase the first step to "I AM" so that he could begin to believe in himself, see himself as a person. I think this approach is worth trying for all of us. We have nothing more to lose.
Our son has continued to spiral out of control. He missed almost every class during his last term of 11th grade but in one that he did attend, he got so upset at another student, who called him a loser and addict, that he beat him up. He's never been in a fight ever. Now, he's been charged with assault and, because he didn't finish his drug rehab from the last time he was arrested, he will be going to court.
Of course, we have to pay for a lawyer we can't afford. We had to cancel our vacation to see family we haven't seen in 15 years. There's only a little relief in the fact that now the courts will be monitoring his drug use and truancy issues.
I worry a lot that he will not be able to comply and will end up in juvenile lock up. He only has eight months until he will be an adult so it's a last chance to change before this really starts to mess up his future.
Instead of trying to save money to pay his court costs, he is determined to party to the end. He gets into our garage and parties with his friends..
I've begged him to understand that we can't afford all of this and he needs to help. Instead, he just tells me he hates me and I'm the only reason he tried to kill himself. He knows that's a trigger for me because my sister committed suicide.
It's like he has turned into this evil person, I don't even recognize. I am going to start my own counseling and continue to hit the circuit breaker that turns off the electricity to our garage. That seems to be all I have in my pocket right now. Needhope The hardest thing for me is realizing I have to ultimately let my son face the consequences of his behavior. He will be 18 in March and on his current trajectory he will be homeless.
As a Mom, this kills me and yet I realize that may be what he needs to finally grow up and become a man. I pray constantly. We were able to put our son into a good rehab program for adolescents. It helped us reset things in our lives and gave our son the opportunity to start again.
I believe it's the drugs talking when your son behaves that way. They truly change people. I wish I had some magic for your family. Keep loving him, but don't give in. That's the best I can offer. Keep loving and don't give in. Hikermom There is help. I called my insurance company directly and asked for help. It seemed easier than trying to sort through hundreds of options online. If you have insurance, maybe that's someplace to start.
I can only offer A support group so you're not alone. Keep loving your boy and don't give in. I'm so so sorry. According to reports, this happens far more often with users with a family history of depression, so this is definitely something to keep in mind if this is true for you and your teenager. The risk of developing schizophrenia among young users increases dramatically based on how often — and how much — cannabis is used.
Regular cannabis users have double the risk of non-users. Those who have used cannabis at some point in their life have a 40 per cent increased risk compared with non-users. For young people who already have an established mental health condition, using cannabis can move forward the onset of psychosis by 2. As you probably know, the earlier someone starts smoking cannabis, the greater the risk.
More than 87 per cent of Australians now support the legalisation of cannabis for medicinal use. However, even if people are way more comfortable with the idea of the drug, its proven impact on young brains should still be a worry for parents. It basically messes with your ability to make decisions and slows reaction times right down — not something you want while on the road. Getting into a car with someone who has smoked pot is a lot like jumping in with a drunk driver.
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